Why?

It's so easy to ask "Why?" , to question situations, get angry or hurt when you can't figure out the answers. I don't have the answers to the "Why?" but I do have peace that when those difficult times come that God is there and sees me, he hears my cries, and cares about my pain.
             
 Ps 33:18 But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love.
                                           
  He sees me!

  Ps 34:15 The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry.

 He sees me, and he hears my cries!

  Ps 34:17-18 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all
  their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit
                                   
  He sees me, hears my cries and is Close to me!!!!!      Whoop!!!!

I think the hardest part of some trials is that it's easy to feel like you are going through it all alone. It is such an amazing feeling to know that God is right there with you every step of the way. I am human and still ask "Why? and even more ofter "What if?"

Why did we have to lose the baby? Why did Gavin have to have development problems?
Why did I have to go through the cancer, lupus, and scaladerma scare? What if this time it would of been my daughter? What if one day we would be playing dolls and fixing hair?   What if it would of been another rowdy little momma's boy? What if I would of done things different with Gavin and he wouldn't have went through all the things he went through?

Like I said I am human. These thoughts go through my mind and when I am attacked with any of these I attack them with the word. 
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts neither are your ways my ways declares the Lord."    Is 55:8
                                                                                                                                      
I don't always understand his ways and sometimes they seem hard but in the end his ways are better than my ways. On days like today I hold on to that. It's a year today that the pregnancy ended. It's a hard day. Several people have called to check on me but I really didn't even know how to talk about it. My heart is breaking inside and right when I feel like I am about to fall apart, I can feel His eyes watching me. I can feel His hand reaching down to catch my tears. I can sense His ears listening to my inside turmoil and in that moment an overwhelming peace surrounds me. I know that He cares. I know that He had a purpose in all of it. Maybe it was so Today I would lay in my floor and share with someone out there that Today He sees, He hears, and He is Close to you. You are not alone in your heart ache. YOU are not Alone. God is right there with you.