Wow, I don't even know where to begin. Many of you may have already realized what I realized only last night. I guess I knew it but the whole reality of it didn't hit me till last night. {and I just love God's timing :) }
I had fallen sound asleep when my lovely husband decides to climb into bed and turn on the tv. So considerate, isn't he ? Of course this wakes me up, and my first response is to smart off about how I can't sleep with the tv on, but since I am striving so hard with this 'Proverbs 31' woman thing, I decide to keep my mouth shut and just roll over. And then it happens! I start hearing this guy talking to Perry Stone on the show. It's nothing real attention grabbing and normally I would just ignore it and drift back to sleep. But for some reason I just knew I had to listen. So I grab my glasses and roll back over to watch. And during that show one of the most amazing spiritual things took place inside of me. It was nothing physically drastic. My hubby didn't even know anything was happening and won't until he reads this. But inside something was happening that was incredible.
This former drug addict, now preacher, was talking to Perry Stone about his recovery. Since I have never dealt with addiction I really didn't know why I had to listen to him but I knew without a doubt that I had to hear what he was saying. It was one of those undeniable drawings of the Holy Ghost. He started talking about rehabs that he had went through. He told Perry Stone that only one of the drug rehabs actually worked for him. He began to explain how it was different than the others. It taught regeneration. And that is where it happened.
He explained that when you are born again, you are re-gened. You have new DNA, and new Bloodline! You may already know that, and I am sure I have heard it to but for some reason I never really paid attention to what that actually meant until last night. This man all a sudden goes from talking about addiction to generational curses. And it hit me......
I don't have the same blood flowing through me as I once did. I don't have the same DNA! Yes I love my dad, and my grandma but Guess What! Their blood does not flow through my body anymore. I am a child of the King and his DNA is what I have. So I no longer have any genetic problems that get passed down, I don't have a generational curse that has kept getting passed down, I don't suffer from anxiety, panic attacks, and extreme worrying because I have had a blood transfusion. And if you are a child of God you don't have to have any of that either.
Now that may do nothing for you, but there's more. What I don't have I can't pass on to my children! Whoop. The only bloodline I can pass on to them is the bloodline of Jesus Christ. So instead of being afraid of a generational curse of anxiety problems being passed to my boys I can claim the blood of Jesus over their mind.
Ephesians 4:23-24 says "to be made new in the attitude of your minds and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Whoop, whoop. I claim the new mind for me and my children because I have a new bloodline. And I challenge you to do the same. You are a new creature, old things have passed away.
And the next time your husband or wife wake you up, make sure it's not God using them to get you awake to hear from him. Thanks hubby even though you didn't know you were suppossed to do it.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Monday, August 20, 2012
School /Do enough?
Well, as many of you know, today was Syler's first day in Kindergarten. Right now Gavin (our 2 year old) is taking his nap. During this time me and Syler would spend one on one quality time together, first doing our bible study time and then, snuggling, watching a movie, coloring, doing crafts, swimming, etc. So..........today he is at school , and I am alone sitting in my bedroom floor crying. I have spent 5 years home with him and loved every second of it. During that time I have worked hard to teach him everything he needed to know before he started school. And as this day approched we prepared by getting school clothes, backpack, lunchbox, crayons, etc. Syler was ready. (me, not so much)
As I sit in my floor, praying and crying, only one question keeps burning on my heart.
Did I do enough?
I am not talking about teaching him enough math, handwriting, or social skills. Yes those are important but I am concerned that we get to focused on those things and forget how important it is to instill in them good principles and an unshakeable love for God. In our society, too often, a parents goal is to have a child that is perfect in the world's view, who fits in the popular crowd, gets in with the "right people", is the best at the extracuricular activites, etc and at any cost! (monetarily or physically)
But as I sit and pray, it is not 'that' goal that I am concerned about. Did I do enough spiritually?
When I read about Daniel, (Daniel 1:1-7) he was "without blemish, of good appearance and skillful in all wisdom, endowed with knowlegde, understanding, learning, and competent to stand in the king's palace." That sounds pretty good, but that is not what stands out to me. What catches my attention is that he "resolved that he would not defile himself with the king's food or with the wine."
Which is more important? That he was handsome and well educated, or that when faced with a choice to sin, he chose obedience?
The greatest desire of my heart is for my sons to be mighty men of God, men of integrity, men of principle, and men who loves Jesus. That is far more important than any earthly goal.
So back to the question I have been asking myself and that you might be asking too "Did I do enough?"
We just have to trust God. If we have taught them, prayed for and with them, and showed them by example how to have a steadfast unshakeable faith then the answer is Yes. It is hard to send our little ones out into this world but God can and will keep them in his hands.
I know I have rambled alot today, guess that happens when you are a little emotional :) but I just wanted to share what God put on my heart this afternoon.
If you still have a little one at home, take every opportunity to plant seeds into their heart, so that when they go off to school, you can know deep in your heart that your child knows, and loves God and won't give in to the pressures of the world around them.
May (our children) fear the Lord his God and serve Him only. Deut 6:13
As I sit in my floor, praying and crying, only one question keeps burning on my heart.
Did I do enough?
I am not talking about teaching him enough math, handwriting, or social skills. Yes those are important but I am concerned that we get to focused on those things and forget how important it is to instill in them good principles and an unshakeable love for God. In our society, too often, a parents goal is to have a child that is perfect in the world's view, who fits in the popular crowd, gets in with the "right people", is the best at the extracuricular activites, etc and at any cost! (monetarily or physically)
But as I sit and pray, it is not 'that' goal that I am concerned about. Did I do enough spiritually?
When I read about Daniel, (Daniel 1:1-7) he was "without blemish, of good appearance and skillful in all wisdom, endowed with knowlegde, understanding, learning, and competent to stand in the king's palace." That sounds pretty good, but that is not what stands out to me. What catches my attention is that he "resolved that he would not defile himself with the king's food or with the wine."
Which is more important? That he was handsome and well educated, or that when faced with a choice to sin, he chose obedience?
The greatest desire of my heart is for my sons to be mighty men of God, men of integrity, men of principle, and men who loves Jesus. That is far more important than any earthly goal.
So back to the question I have been asking myself and that you might be asking too "Did I do enough?"
We just have to trust God. If we have taught them, prayed for and with them, and showed them by example how to have a steadfast unshakeable faith then the answer is Yes. It is hard to send our little ones out into this world but God can and will keep them in his hands.
I know I have rambled alot today, guess that happens when you are a little emotional :) but I just wanted to share what God put on my heart this afternoon.
If you still have a little one at home, take every opportunity to plant seeds into their heart, so that when they go off to school, you can know deep in your heart that your child knows, and loves God and won't give in to the pressures of the world around them.
May (our children) fear the Lord his God and serve Him only. Deut 6:13
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Why?
Ps 33:18 But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love.
He sees me!
Ps 34:15 The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry.
He sees me, and he hears my cries!
Ps 34:17-18 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all
their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit
He sees me, hears my cries and is Close to me!!!!! Whoop!!!!
I think the hardest part of some trials is that it's easy to feel like you are going through it all alone. It is such an amazing feeling to know that God is right there with you every step of the way. I am human and still ask "Why? and even more ofter "What if?"
Why did we have to lose the baby? Why did Gavin have to have development problems?
Why did I have to go through the cancer, lupus, and scaladerma scare? What if this time it would of been my daughter? What if one day we would be playing dolls and fixing hair? What if it would of been another rowdy little momma's boy? What if I would of done things different with Gavin and he wouldn't have went through all the things he went through?
Like I said I am human. These thoughts go through my mind and when I am attacked with any of these I attack them with the word.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts neither are your ways my ways declares the Lord." Is 55:8
I don't always understand his ways and sometimes they seem hard but in the end his ways are better than my ways. On days like today I hold on to that. It's a year today that the pregnancy ended. It's a hard day. Several people have called to check on me but I really didn't even know how to talk about it. My heart is breaking inside and right when I feel like I am about to fall apart, I can feel His eyes watching me. I can feel His hand reaching down to catch my tears. I can sense His ears listening to my inside turmoil and in that moment an overwhelming peace surrounds me. I know that He cares. I know that He had a purpose in all of it. Maybe it was so Today I would lay in my floor and share with someone out there that Today He sees, He hears, and He is Close to you. You are not alone in your heart ache. YOU are not Alone. God is right there with you.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Lessons from a Child
I learn new lessons everyday from my children. Syler has been blessed with such an amazing understanding of God and he loves to share what God shows him. On this blog I will share the things he teaches me about God.
Syler loves to wear a crown. He has several and pretends to be the king or prince every day. He doesn't let anyone touch his crowns or play with them. He enjoys making new crowns out of construction paper and decorating them. His crowns are very special to him. Yesterday he came up to me and said "Mom do you know where the 'real' crown is? It's in here (places his hand on his heart). God told me that He is the real crown, the best crown, and he is right here in our heart."
Wow that is some powerful stuff. Knowing how special Syler's crowns are to him that statement meant alot. God is suppossed to hold a higher place then anything else that may seem important to us. It made me check my life and see if there are any "crowns" that I am placing before Him , the true "crown". We all get busy and preoccupied but today's challenge is to see where God rates on our importance scale. Love the lessons my son teaches me.
Syler loves to wear a crown. He has several and pretends to be the king or prince every day. He doesn't let anyone touch his crowns or play with them. He enjoys making new crowns out of construction paper and decorating them. His crowns are very special to him. Yesterday he came up to me and said "Mom do you know where the 'real' crown is? It's in here (places his hand on his heart). God told me that He is the real crown, the best crown, and he is right here in our heart."
Wow that is some powerful stuff. Knowing how special Syler's crowns are to him that statement meant alot. God is suppossed to hold a higher place then anything else that may seem important to us. It made me check my life and see if there are any "crowns" that I am placing before Him , the true "crown". We all get busy and preoccupied but today's challenge is to see where God rates on our importance scale. Love the lessons my son teaches me.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Purpose
Purpose. That is something I have honestly struggled with for the last year. It all started July 5 of last year. Since that day, purpose, has constantly been on my heart and mind. This blog will be alot about purpose. I hope it will inspire, encourage, and challenge each person that reads it. But as scattered as I am we won't always be on that subject, that is just the foundation. Some days it might be about "mommy moments", some days it might be about "God things", and some days it might be a "craft day" - finding a new purpose for old items. I just love crafting that way.
But I guess my first blog ever needs to be about what has sparked my burning desire to blog. Our family has went through some things this year that have been hard to talk about. (impossible actually) So when confused, grieving, hurt, and scared and not able to talk to anyone about it, I turned to God. and with his direction I was lead to a few women's blogs that have helped me in so many ways. Each day I would read and cry as they too were going through similar situations. Never once during the year have I commented on a single blog, cause like I said, I didn't know how to talk about it but just reading their thoughts and about their journey helped me in so many ways. I pray my journey will help others too. So here goes........
Last summer we found out we were expecting. Not really sure if we wanted a third child or not it was an emotional rollercoaster to begin with. We never thought of having another baby so the anxiety, fear, and unsureness was overwhelming. But deep down I knew that if God planned this then He knew we would be able to handle it. So, excitement, joy, and anticipation took over. The week after we found out, things started to change. For the next 8 weeks we went to Huntsville every few days for ultrasounds and blood work. I could of never imagined how hard emotionally and physically this journey was going to be, on me, my husband, and my two boys. On July 5th the final ultrasound confirmed that it was a molar pregnancy. Which meant the fetus was covered in tumors and did not make it. Words can not explain what that news felt like. Not only did we have to process the loss of what this pregnancy could of been but now a whole new journey was about to begin. The procdure was done on July 11th. (a day I will always have a heavy heart). It was hard to fully grieve with the cloud of cancer looming over us. With a molar pregnancy the cancer cells can start growing back anytime during the next year. Which means monthly blood work, and reliving the entire thing every single month. Praise God I have 7 DAYS left of the year. I have been cancer free the entire time. Need to take a minute and Praise God for that! I don't think I will ever stop thinking about our little angel. Some days I will picture what it would of looked like, sounded like when it giggled. Not sure if that is normal or not but I have found comfort in God. He has given me peace through it all.
Well that breifly sums up what caused the "Purpose" thought that has been on my heart. Going through this caused me to think about the purpose of the whole pregnancy, then the purpose of myself as a mom, and in ministry. Compared to other moms with 3, 4, and 5 kids, my purpose didn't seem as important. Then again I am only the mom of 2. (lie of the devil) It has been a hard emotional year, and I know tomorrow and July 11 will still be tough but I can say that I have with out a doubt found my Purpose. I can not explain how it feels to openly talk about our journey for the first time. No one may ever even read this but there has been such a weight lifted as I have typed every word. I look forward to sharing my heart, and my purpose with you as we take this journey together. And can't wait for you to share about your purpose as well.
But I guess my first blog ever needs to be about what has sparked my burning desire to blog. Our family has went through some things this year that have been hard to talk about. (impossible actually) So when confused, grieving, hurt, and scared and not able to talk to anyone about it, I turned to God. and with his direction I was lead to a few women's blogs that have helped me in so many ways. Each day I would read and cry as they too were going through similar situations. Never once during the year have I commented on a single blog, cause like I said, I didn't know how to talk about it but just reading their thoughts and about their journey helped me in so many ways. I pray my journey will help others too. So here goes........
Last summer we found out we were expecting. Not really sure if we wanted a third child or not it was an emotional rollercoaster to begin with. We never thought of having another baby so the anxiety, fear, and unsureness was overwhelming. But deep down I knew that if God planned this then He knew we would be able to handle it. So, excitement, joy, and anticipation took over. The week after we found out, things started to change. For the next 8 weeks we went to Huntsville every few days for ultrasounds and blood work. I could of never imagined how hard emotionally and physically this journey was going to be, on me, my husband, and my two boys. On July 5th the final ultrasound confirmed that it was a molar pregnancy. Which meant the fetus was covered in tumors and did not make it. Words can not explain what that news felt like. Not only did we have to process the loss of what this pregnancy could of been but now a whole new journey was about to begin. The procdure was done on July 11th. (a day I will always have a heavy heart). It was hard to fully grieve with the cloud of cancer looming over us. With a molar pregnancy the cancer cells can start growing back anytime during the next year. Which means monthly blood work, and reliving the entire thing every single month. Praise God I have 7 DAYS left of the year. I have been cancer free the entire time. Need to take a minute and Praise God for that! I don't think I will ever stop thinking about our little angel. Some days I will picture what it would of looked like, sounded like when it giggled. Not sure if that is normal or not but I have found comfort in God. He has given me peace through it all.
Well that breifly sums up what caused the "Purpose" thought that has been on my heart. Going through this caused me to think about the purpose of the whole pregnancy, then the purpose of myself as a mom, and in ministry. Compared to other moms with 3, 4, and 5 kids, my purpose didn't seem as important. Then again I am only the mom of 2. (lie of the devil) It has been a hard emotional year, and I know tomorrow and July 11 will still be tough but I can say that I have with out a doubt found my Purpose. I can not explain how it feels to openly talk about our journey for the first time. No one may ever even read this but there has been such a weight lifted as I have typed every word. I look forward to sharing my heart, and my purpose with you as we take this journey together. And can't wait for you to share about your purpose as well.
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