Purpose

Purpose. That is something I have honestly struggled with for the last year. It all started July 5 of last year. Since that day, purpose, has constantly been on my heart and mind. This blog will be alot about purpose. I hope it will inspire, encourage, and challenge each person that reads it. But as scattered as I am we won't always be on that subject, that is just the foundation. Some days it might be about "mommy moments", some days it might be about "God things", and some days it might be a "craft day" - finding a new purpose for old items. I just love crafting that way.

But I guess my first blog ever needs to be about what has sparked my burning desire to blog. Our family has went through some things this year that have been hard to talk about. (impossible actually) So when confused, grieving, hurt, and scared and not able to talk to anyone about it, I turned to God. and with his direction I was lead to a few women's blogs that have helped me in so many ways. Each day I would read and cry as they too were going through similar situations. Never once during the year have I commented on a single blog, cause like I said, I didn't know how to talk about it but just reading their thoughts and about their journey helped me in so many ways. I pray my journey will help others too. So here goes........

Last summer we found out we were expecting. Not really sure if we wanted a third child or not it was an emotional rollercoaster to begin with. We never thought of having another baby so the anxiety, fear, and unsureness was overwhelming. But deep down I knew that if God planned this then He knew we would be able to handle it. So, excitement, joy, and anticipation took over. The week after we found out, things started to change. For the next 8 weeks we went to Huntsville every few days for ultrasounds and blood work. I could of never imagined how hard emotionally and physically this journey was going to be, on me, my husband, and my two boys. On July 5th the final ultrasound confirmed that it was a molar pregnancy. Which meant the fetus was covered in tumors and did not make it. Words can not explain what that news felt like. Not only did we have to process the loss of what this pregnancy could of been but now a whole new journey was about to begin. The procdure was done on July 11th. (a day I will always have a heavy heart).  It was hard to fully grieve with the cloud of cancer looming over us. With a molar pregnancy the cancer cells can start growing back anytime during the next year. Which means monthly blood work, and reliving the entire thing every single month.  Praise God I have 7 DAYS left of the year. I have been cancer free the entire time. Need to take a minute and Praise God for that! I don't think I will ever stop thinking about our little angel. Some days I will picture what it would of looked like, sounded like when it giggled. Not sure if that is normal or not but I have found comfort in God. He has given me peace through it all.

Well that breifly sums up what caused the "Purpose" thought that has been on my heart. Going through this caused me to think about the purpose of the whole pregnancy, then the purpose of myself as a mom, and in ministry. Compared to other moms with 3, 4, and 5 kids, my purpose didn't seem as important. Then again I am only the mom of 2. (lie of the devil) It has been a hard emotional year, and I know tomorrow and July 11 will still be tough but I can say that I have with out a doubt found my Purpose. I can not explain how it feels to openly talk about our journey for the first time. No one may ever even read this but there has been such a weight lifted as I have typed every word. I look forward to sharing my heart, and my purpose with you as we take this journey together. And can't wait for you to  share about your purpose as well.